Book Review
A surprisingly good book.
This book is full of case studies by
the psychoanalyst Stephen Grosz. He uses each case study to make a
point about human behaviour and the way people change (or don't
change). Three things strike me on reading this book.
The first is how difficult it is to change.
He writes: “...change and loss are deeply connected – there
cannot be change without loss – loss haunts this book”. And “We
resist change. Committing ourselves to a small change, even one that
is unmistakably in our best interest, is often more frightening than
ignoring a dangerous situation”.
The second is how facing up to, and
accepting, reality, however difficult, is (in his own words) “almost
always better than the alternative”. He gives an example of a kid
who kept spitting at him as the analyst. It was only when the tragedy
of the kid's life was fully acknowledged without any need to fix or
repair it that the kid was able to, in some way, move on. And it was
only then that the kid stopped his spitting at the analyst.
The third is that sometimes, theories
just don't help as each case is unique. He recounts an unexpected
hidden truth being revealed. An unexpected personal process is
recorded. An unexpected consequence for other people is experienced
once someone has changed.
If you are interested in understanding
human behaviour, I recommend this book.
